oh dear one, you are not alone.

DISCLAIMER:  Before I get into details, I want you to know I am in a place where I am sharing this from is the most vulnerable I have ever been regarding this. I haven’t always felt this way about myself, it really started my senior year of high school; which was almost two years now.

To the girl skipping meals

I feel you, because I once was you and when I am honest sometimes I am still you. I know the comments that jab you like a knife in your gut; the little remarks about how your cousins are SO thin and they aren’t FAT. Those are wounds that cut deep into your soul. Believe me I had those words spoken toward me today. If you are like me, you take things way to personal and you overthink almost everything. But let me tell you what the Father says about us.

Genesis 1:26-28 MSG

 God spoke: “Let us make human beings in our image, make them
        reflecting our nature
    So they can be responsible for the fish in the sea,
        the birds in the air, the cattle,
    And, yes, Earth itself,
        and every animal that moves on the face of Earth.”
    God created human beings;
        he created them godlike,
    Reflecting God’s nature.
        He created them male and female.
    God blessed them:
        “Prosper! Reproduce! Fill Earth! Take charge!
    Be responsible for fish in the sea and birds in the air,
        for every living thing that moves on the face of Earth.”

  Song of Solomon 4:7 NLT

“You are altogether beautiful, my darling,
    beautiful in every way.”

Song of Solomon 2:2 NIV

“Like a lily among thorns
    is my darling among the young women.”

Song of Solomon 1:15 NIV

“How beautiful you are, my darling!
    Oh, how beautiful!
    Your eyes are doves.”

Song of Solomon 2:10 NIV

“My beloved spoke and said to me,
  “Arise, my darling,
    my beautiful one, come with me.”

From the beginning of time God has called us beautiful and loved us. We are made in HIS image, we see that in Genesis as well as throughout the whole bible! Believe me Song of Solomon is FULL of golden nuggets that you can declare over your life, our Father tells us we are beautiful, we don’t have to be a size zero. Right now, I declare these verses over my life and all your lives as well. If you are like me, you can know you are loved and how beautiful you are. Another golden verse is Psalm 139:13-16, you can declare this over your life, I love how the Message version puts it.

Psalm 139:13-16 MSG

“Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
    you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
    I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
    you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
    how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
    before I’d even lived one day.”

It really started in the middle of my senior year of high school which was been about two years now. You see I would pack just fruit in my lunch or I’d just pack meat in my sandwich container, this went on for a couple months and then my mom and dad found out what I was doing. So, then my mom made me meat sandwiches, (side note: how embarrassing is it to have your mom make you a sandwich for lunch when you are 18-embarrassing.) so then she knew I’d be eating something. But really, I only ate half of the sandwich somedays and somedays I ate the whole thing because I was hungry.

So, fast forward to Christmas eve that year you think it couldn’t get any worse, your mom is making you a sandwich and then she bluntly tells everybody that is at Christmas dinner that I was skipping meals. Now before I go on I will say this, I have realized how much I have damaged my eating with taking it into my own hands. Now it is freshman year of college and you are part time school and part time at work, if you are like me you don’t take a break because you think it will help and you just walk by the fry container three or four times and you feel a little better about yourself. But then there are days where you are having a bad day and you just binge eat the fries and you feel better about yourself for an hour then you get angry at yourself and then proceed to think of ways you won’t be having a lot to eat at dinner.  

Let me be the first to tell you, I know how you feel all too well, I am hurting alongside you, some days are better than others. It is in the small victories that you overcome this problem. Some ways that have helped me is, I’ll be sure to eat more fruit because I LOVE FRUIT!! I also eat vegetables that I like, I am not a huge fan of peas so I just eat more of broccoli or asparagus, even brussels sprouts. Also, I won’t salt my food to terribly much, maybe just a tad bit to take the blandness from it. Also, I try to drink lots of water and juices that I like, for example I love apple juice so instead of drinking soda pop I might have some apple juice or even orange juice!

Sisters let me tell you this, you aren’t fighting this fight alone, I’m fighting right alongside of you! I’m learning how to declare verses over my body, so that my mindset will change as well as learning how to eat healthy and how to exercise correctly. As well as believing in myself that each day will get better and with God I will get complete VICTORY! Praying for each one of you ladies that are struggling with this.  Two books that I am reading right now and would highly recommend are Wild and Free by Jess Connolly and Hayley Morgan and Without Rival by Lisa Bevere!

Xo lovelies       

there is always more patience to have.

            This morning I find myself listening to More than Anything by Natalie Grant and it’s been on repeat all morning. This post has been a long time coming, in the season I am currently in, I see God working on me in patience. Before I tell this story let me say this, do not pity me, do not say you understand just to make me feel better. That is not the point of this posting…Okay so here is the story...

            As some of you may know both of my grandparents are both very sick, my grandfather has stage four prostate cancer that has moved into his bones and my grandmother has Alzheimer’s type Dementia, dealing with both at once can be very difficult and all I want to do is scream and yell; but that will not help at all. Lately my role with helping them is making them breakfast which seems very easy but I’m scrambling around in the morning trying to get toast done, helping my grandma get dressed getting her blood sugar taken, take one of her pills before breakfast and then my grandpa who is literally the slowest person on the planet (not really but it sure feels like that.). So, imagine me scrambling around trying to get everything ready for them and this past week, it somehow got a little easier because so many times I must remember to be patient with them. In the moments where I am just still, I hear God whispering “it’s okay Micaela, patience will come, it will get easier. I promise you.”  A verse that I found that really puts this in perceptive for me is Proverbs 15:18 “A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict,
    but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.” Now none of you know my grandpa like I do, and boy does this verse pin it right on the nose. Just like the first part of that verse, if I am not patient like the second part of the verse, what will happen is we would argue, honestly probably about something that is so meaningless.

            A few things I’ve learned about from having a grandma with dementia, don’t say do you remember because they don’t remember. Don’t ask do you want this, you will just have to do it for them meaning if you have food on the table you’ll have to put it on the plate and tell them to eat it. Side note: one thing I do ask my grandma is, do you want cottage cheese? Simply because I know she LOVES cottage cheese, like if she could have it all day, every day she’d probably eat it! Also, shout out to my grandma because she passed her love of cottage cheese down to me, you rock gram! One thing you can do is tell them how much you LOVE them! I make a point each day to tell my grandma how much I love her to which she responds “I love you.”

            As I watch dementia eat away my grandma’s memory, as it takes the woman who I knew and who she is away from us forever, all I can do is I thank Jesus for every single day that I get to spend with her. So, as a twenty-year-old, I love using snapchat and I love seeing the filters and showing them to my grandma and doing funny pictures with her because these are the memories I will have forever, long after she passes away. As much as it hurts me to see my grandma this way, I know in this specific season, me just being there, spending time with her, telling her I love her and how much she means to me, the crazy number of pictures that I take with her. At the end of the day I know that I will have NO regrets when something does happen. She means the world to me, her smile is precious, some days are harder than others but we keep on moving forward. Let me also say this, spending money DOES NOT buy you memories! But spending time does…Just a thought for those of you who think that I am weird or crazy for what I do with my grandparents.

            Now my grandpa, oh what a spit fire! He is 84 years old and oh man he’s hysterical, he’s also softened up over the last year. For example, just last night he held my grandmas hand, which if you know him- Buck Harper doesn’t do that but he does it more and more. You see I let him decide what they want for breakfast, I’ll make them anything they want and in the instances, he takes longer to answer, I really must be patient and breathe.

            So, in finishing this up, let me remind you, be patient, tell your loved ones just how much you love them and how much you truly care about them. Not because you should but because you sincerely want to.

xo

Persevere through the Hurt.

  As I sit here and type I think what it would look like if I was moving for college in a couple weeks. Oo I’d be packing up my clothes, bringing my favorite pillow (yes, I have a favorite pillow), I’d be getting all the stuff I need for my dorm like sheets and bringing my awesome purple comforter. Oh and you can’t forget my amazing pen collection. But this isn’t the reality, the reality is I am still at home, which don’t get me wrong I love home and I LOVE my parents but I want to be like a regular college student. Living in the dorms, staying up all night with my roommate talking (oh and by all night I mean at least until 11 pm), going to class on campus, but nope not this year.

This is a very hard time of year for me, as I watch everyone getting all moved into their dorms, getting to meet their roommates for the second time or maybe their first time. I see all the pictures and I am so happy for them they get to study on campus as I sit here and wait for when it is my turn to move on campus, meet new people, create amazing friendships. I am reminded not to throw a pity party that there are many reasons why I am still in Kalamazoo- I’m here to help with my grandparents and help them because they are both very sick.

                As much as it hurts me not to be leaving for Liberty soon, I wait with much anticipation when I finally can make Lynchburg home. So to those of you moving soon to college, I am so happy for you enjoy it because it will go by so fast! For those of you who are like me and studying at Liberty Online or whatever the case may be, it’s okay you’ll get there! If you are like me and want to move on campus, it’ll happen in God’s timing. I’m learning this currently that it is okay, it will happen when the time is right for me or for you. Even though it is extremely hard and I get super quiet during this season, I know in the end I will be stronger than I’ve ever been.

  I’m searching for the lovely in each day whether it be a small thing or if it is a big thing. Also here is my plug for Looking for Lovely & Looking for Lovely Bible Study by Annie F. Downs- these are AH-MAZING, you should totally go read the book and go through the bible study! I am currently working through the bible study and I am LOVING it! Here is a verse that will really help you, I know it has helped me these last few weeks Romans 5:3-5 NIV.  Romans 5:3-5³ Not only so, but we^[a] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

If you are like me- We’ll get through this, we just have to PERSERVERE through the pain of this short season!

-Micaela XO

3 things I’ve learned/gotten better at since I’ve turned 20.

here are 3 things I’ve learned in the first 3 months of being 20.

1.   Journaling.

  I have always loved journaling but, I’ve really started journaling in my time with God and journaling about everyday life. I’m still working on doing it every day besides just Sunday- but I’m working on getting better at journaling each day. In high school, I journaled a lot of what I got from messages at church and stuff. So this year I am trying to get better and journal my thoughts down, even if it is just a couple sentences or a verse. Here’s to journaling more and to memorizing more in the Word!

2.   Sleeping

I’ve definitely learned a lot about my sleeping habits the last few months. If I don’t get a certain amount of sleep, I tend to be grumpy or have an attitude. So I try and go to bed at 9 pm each night (I said try, I didn’t say I actually go to bed at 9 all the time) and if I can I try to take a nap. These days my life is pretty busy with work and helping with my grandparents and I start school in 3 weeks and I’m picking up an extra shift at the restaurant this fall. So I’ve really found out that sleep is important, especially with my schedule come this fall.

3.   Prioritize

You really have to prioritize your time. What I like to do is, if I work at ten then I plan to wake up at seven so I can wake up, eat some breakfast, take a shower (I like to take really long showers.) so I give myself a two-hour span of time to get it done. I also have to do that when I start school- because I am going to Liberty University but I’m doing the online campus, I really have to prioritize my time. So at the beginning of each week I’m going to write down what time is going to be for school and what time is going to be doing laundry time or whatever else I have on my schedule. If that means bringing my course books and some homework to my grandparents, then I will totally do that. You just have to prioritize what is important in your world. The thing that will always be first is my time with Jesus no matter what is going on.

  These are three things I’ve really learned/ done more of since I turned 20. 

   Have a blessed week! Xo

pura vida missions 2016

  So as many of you know I recently went on a mission trip to Costa Rica- to serve at Pura Vida Missions for a week. the past week has really changed my life- and I really look forward to the day I get to go back to San Ramon. When I left, I left part of my heart there. So this past week was amazing we did ministry in the morning at 9 am - oh and before I get to far Costa Rica is 2 hours behind the States so currently it feels like 7:30 pm instead of 9:30 pm to me. So fast forward - days leading up to this trip I kept praying for what I'd experience and how I know that the kids would impact my life, as I would impact their life! I prayed for what God would do in me, whether it be small or big.  I had always wanted to go on a missions trip and I feel God had this one in mind for me.
 So as I sit here,  I experienced a lot of firsts on this trip- first plane ride, first time out of the country, first missions trip and the list goes on. I reminisce about last week and how God used the TAG times and the interns to speak to me. It felt like each day the verse they would share, it would encourage me and speak to me. little did I know that one specific verse that I would need when I got home. I've been home for almost 48 hours- it's crazy to think about that one week ago, I was ending my second night at Pura Vida Missions. Each night we heard a powerful message from Albert- one of the directors of PVM.
  One verse that really stuck out to me was Isaiah 33:2 which was the verse Sierra shared. here is what Isaiah 33:2 says " O Lord, be gracious to us: we have waited for you. Be their strength every morning, our salvation also in time of distress." little did I know a week later I would need this verse more than ever, especially the "be their strength every morning." part.
  Each morning we'd wake up, have breakfast and go do ministry- the two sites I went to were Volio and Las Jardines. I met a lot of kids last week, but there were a few that I really connected with. One of the greatest joys was seeing how God used me and how I loved these kids and got to know them, in a short amount of time. there was one little boy I met his name was Matias and he was a ball of fun. I loved getting to make playdoh hats for him, coloring with him, even giving him a piggy back ride, making him laugh, seeing him smile, it lit up my whole world but one of the best parts was knowing that Jesus loves him and it was amazing singing Yo tengo gozo with him. It was really hard to say goodbye.
  This past week was amazing but I was reminded by Andee that just because its over doesn't mean I go back to the way I was living before I came Pura Vida Missions. I was challenged to take what I experienced their and to bring it home with me. To keep in the word each morning, to show love to people even if it is in the simplest way.  This afternoon- I got pura vida tattooed on my right ankle- so that I can have a constant reminder of it isn't just an event, it is a life and that there is always an area in my life that God can increase in my life and that I can decrease. John 3:30 <---- go check it out!
  One of the things that I've really struggled with since sophomore year of high school is my value, my worth, how much am i really loved. And last week especially God used tag time to remind me of how much he loves me, how much I am valued- I found myself reading Song of Solomon chapter 4 and chapter 7. these two chapters really just spoke to me and I just let it sink in how much I am loved! I have a feeling I will definitely be going back to Pura Vida Missions, at some point in my life- I'll let God guide me to specific verses and let Him show me if and when I should go back to PVM.  thank you all for the prayers for our team while we were there.
  I'm not the same person before I left for this trip- my life has been changed. I'm believing that God will use Pura Vida Missions in a huge way- to get the love of Jesus to the children of San Ramon. I'm praying for them as they continue ministry throughout he rest of this year and years to come. the best is yet to come for Pura Vida Missions.
  that's a wrap! xo

#tatted- one year later.

   One year ago to the date, I decided to get a tattoo of a cross but not just a normal cross but one made out of nails.  I thought on the one year anniversary I'd give the meaning behind me getting a tattoo and the meaning of the tattoo. We'll start with the meaning of me getting a tattoo, you see I'd wanted one for awhile but really didn't know what I wanted so I when I finally made up my mind about what I'd get, I automatically knew where I wanted it- my right wrist. I really wanted it, so I could look down and have a constant reminder of what Jesus did for me and how much he cares for me! 

   Now the meaning behind the cross tattoo, you see when Jesus was crucified he got nails put in his wrists and his feet- I was brought to this scripture that brought my tattoo to life. Luke 23:33 NLT " when they came to a place called The Skull, they nailed him to the cross. And the criminals were also crucified- one on his right and one on his left ." you see Jesus took nails in his wrists and feet for me- little ole me. Having this tattoo on my right wrist where I can see it daily, it reminds me daily of Jesus' love for me on that day 2,000 years ago and His love for me today. 

   So as today marks one year with this tattoo, and as I look at it as I write this, I think of just how much Jesus loves me today right were I am at! 

   june 27,2015- my first tattoo- a constant reminder of how much Jesus cares for me& loves me!  

 Oh and p.s. I got it done at body armor tattoo and got it done by Earl- beyond thrilled with how it turned out! 

did someone say go flames?

Here is a post that has been in the making for the last month or so. But first let me tell you the backstory. (it won't take long I promise.) 

So about a month ago March 8th, to be exact I applied for Liberty University Online. I really thought nothing of it at the time, I just wanted to get some information about their Elementary Education program. So within a couple of minutes, a lady called me and told me all about Liberty, what they are about and etc. So I thought nothing about it at the time but then I really started praying and asking the Lord about it. Should I attend LUO? It would mean I could stay close to home, I could keep my job at Ryske's and I could go to school and get my degree and still help out with my grandparents? So I then began praying about it and I remember specifically one day I had my journal out and I remember telling God, if this is where you want me to go I will go. I remember from that moment, I told myself, if you get accepted, Liberty is going to be where I am going to get my degree. 

You may think oh this was an easy decision but this wasn't at all, it took time, thought, discussion with my mom and dad and prayer and countless times with God in worship.

So fast forward a month, countless emails, phone calls and this past Friday I got a letter and on the front it said admissions decision enclosed. With my heart beating and that week had been really rough for me, I open it and I scream (sorry dad, didn't mean to scare you!). I got in, I got accepted, I am an official Liberty University Online student. I get to register for classes soon. I am so excited for the classes I get to take in my degree, but I am really excited for the Bible classes that I get to take as well! 

Now if some of you are like how can you attend a school but not live on campus? Well with LUO it is possible to obtain your degree in the comfort of your own home. I would love to study at Liberty in Virginia but I chose that it would be better for me to obtain it through Liberty University Online right here in Michigan.

So this fall I begin my journey as a Liberty Flame. I start my journey in getting my bachelors of science in elementary education in interdisciplinary studies. here i come LUO! I'm comin' for ya!