My world shattered. But I choose to live with joy.

   The six letter word no one wants to hear, Cancer. I heard this word four days before my 19th birthday, another thing no one wants to hear is that someone in your family has cancer. Well I heard those two words cancer and grandpa. At first they called it prostate and colon cancer. But on May 18 we found out it was stage four bone cancer. This is news no one wants to hear no matter what season of life. But this was supposed to be a happy moment in my life because graduation was coming up soon and so was my grad party. 

   Soon after finding this out, all I did was worry about the possibility of having to celebrate a graduation and plan a funeral at the same time. Now don't get me wrong it's not that I've stopped worrying completely. But after hearing this news, I was angry at the world and I barely would smile and I could hardly look at my grandpa without crying let alone say the words "my grandpa has stage four bone cancer and he's dying but oh don't worry I'm dealing with it, it's okay". Yeah, no it took me a couple weeks to even say that my grandpa has cancer and that I was starting to enter this season with joy. 

   For along time all my grandpa would do was sleep a lot and eat when I was down at there house visiting. I can tell you this once I changed my attitude about the situation and just giving this to situation to God, it's in his hands I can't do anything but enjoy my time with my grandpa. 

Within the last week my Grandpa has gotten a lot better, doesn't sleep as much, watches tv and eats a lot and enjoys time with my grandma and whenthe people that visit.  One of the things I dreaded was my grandpa not being at my graduation, well he and my grandma made it to my graduation. 

  

When I stopped being angry at the world and just gave it all to God. I started smiling again and laughing and I now have this joy that's within in me. I don't know what tomorrow will bring and I don't know how much longer I'll have with my Grandpa but I'm living life to the fullest with a lot of memories being made.

   This last month has been hectic but I can tell you one thing that I am sure of, Jesus has been with me through everything and I will praise Him through everything! I'm reminded that in the midst of this storm I will praise him through it all!

Psalm 63:2-4

So here I am in the place of worship, eyes open,
    drinking in your strength and glory.
In your generous love I am really living at last!
    My lips brim praises like fountains.
I bless you every time I take a breath;
    My arms wave like banners of praise to you.

   Though the last month has been nothing but crazy. I've learned so much through this already. I choose to live with joy!

grandpa and I